His joyful resurrection followed hard upon His joyless crucifixion. But the first had to come before the second. The life that halts short of the cross is but a fugitive condemned thing, doomed at last to be lost beyond recovery. That life which goes to the cross and loses itself there to rise again with Christ is a divine and deathless treasure. Over it death hath no more dominion. Whoever refuses to bring his old life to the cross is but trying to cheat death, and no matter how hard we may struggle against it, he is nevertheless fated to lose his life at last. The man who takes his cross and follows Christ will soon find that his direction is away from the sepulcher. Death is behind him and a joyous and increasing life before. His days will be marked henceforth not by ecclesiastical gloom, the churchyard, the hollow tone, the black robe (which are all but the cerements of a dead church) but " joy that is inexpressible and full of glory" (1 Peter 1:8).

      Our time in Warsaw, Poland although short has been really good. We stayed in the home of the pastor of a local church. It was an amazing blessing to be able to get to know him and his family. They have a huge heart for the people here and it's evident in their ministry and the way they love on people.
     While here we've mostly been sharing what God's done this year through the race. We've had several opportunities to give our testimony and although it doesn't seem like much God has used our stories to impact those we've spoken to. He's shown me in this last week the power of sharing all He's done in my life. It's been really cool to see how the experiences (good and bad) He's taken me through are used to encourage others later.
     After sharing at one of the Bible studies a woman named Ella told us that our testimonies had helped her and her daughter, Eva. She said that they had been struggling with some things about Eva's youngest son. It wasn't until after the study that they were able to share more of there story. Eva has two sons, Victor and Bartek. Bartek is two years old and was born with a heart condition. His aortic valve is too small in some places making blood flow difficult which is causing him to have high blood pressure. He's scheduled to have surgery in two weeks.
     We were able to visit them and pray for them a couple times before we left which was a big encouragement not only to them but us as well. They said several times how our meeting wasn't an accident but that God had brought us together. I think I said this already in a past blog but I'll say it again, I know that there is power in prayer and this little boy needs a lot of it. Now I'd like to ask you to join me in praying for him.

      For the first part of the race I really struggled with the fact that I was seeing everyone else grow and experience God in new ways but I wasn't seeing that happen in my life. I was comparing my relationship with God to those around me and ended up feeling like I had missed something.
     At the end of Feb. my grandpa was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. Due to this and the struggle mentioned prior, March through June were probably some of the hardest months of my life. Knowing he was so sick was bringing out these feelings of guilt that I didn't even realize I was carrying around. Guilt about not sharing the Gospel with him when I had the chance, guilt about not being there for him while he was going through such a hard time and it made me realize how much guilt I've been carrying around from other missed opportunities.
     During this time I also came to realize that I had taken on the burden of my family which was most definitely not mine to carry. I've seen so many deaths in my 23 years. I understand how short life is and I can't stand to see those I love not getting along. I had taken up the role of peace maker which just caused strife between me and the very ones I was trying to "fix".
     In June (when we first arrived in Africa); we were suppose to be going to Mozambique but transportation fell through so our entire squad was stuck in Nelspuit, South Africa for a week. I don't think I'm the only one on our squad who would say this was a major growth week for just about everybody. This is where I kind of came to the end of my rope. I desperately wanted to see God move in me in new ways and it wasn't happening. I was talking to one of our squad leaders about my desire to know Him more and my disappointment at not. She said, sometimes there are things in our lives that we're holding on to and won't surrender and until we surrender those things, God can't move in our lives.
     Later that week we had a morning of solitude. Nobody was allowed to talk; this was time to be spent with Jesus. That morning I spent a lot of time in prayer. He took me to the book of Romans (specifically 7:15-8:9) where it talks about Paul doing what he doesn't want. He's talking about his flesh vs. his mind/heart and I think this is where I was. Through prayer and this passage God opened my eyes to the fact that the root of the struggle I was going through was guilt; I'd never surrendered that to Him. He also showed me a lot of other things that branched off of that. He showed me that the reason I had picked up the burden of my family was because of guilt. I thought if I could fix things there it would make amends for passed offenses. In this realization I saw my pride, arrogance and self-righteousness in thinking I could be the one to fix it rather than giving it to God in the first place. I was thinking I could do a better job than God and I was trying to justify myself by doing good; both of which are sin. The end result being a giant obstacle in my relationship with God.
     The evening of that same day we went to a worship service at a local church. During that time I asked God to continue revealing to me things that I needed to confess or surrender to Him. He did show me and I surrendered. After quite some time of this I asked God " what else can I do"? I didn't hear the audible voice of God but the word "nothing" came into my mind directly after that prayer. At the end of all that I still felt like I had a weight around my neck that was pulling me down. Before I went to bed I remember praying " God I don't care if there's a feeling I just want to know that You've taken all of this from me and I'm free from it" and I let go. I woke the next morning with the weight gone and the most amazing feeling of peace I've ever felt. I seriously don't think I stopped smiling for a week. Even more than that He gave me a peace about my family. He has reassured me that He has them and that He loves my grandpa far more than I ever could and nothing is going to happen to him that He doesn't already know about.
    On July 9^th grandpa passed away. All that God had done didn't make this situation any easier. I've never lost someone so close. I still had to go through the grieving process and probably will have to again when I get home . It did in fact change the way I responded, though. In all of this God has taught me to trust Him. He was my comforter when I couldn't be with my family and He continues to be my peace when doubts arise.

      Being in a small village all last month made transitioning into this month a little more difficult. We are in the city of Odessa which is a major seaport on the Black Sea and also the fourth largest city in Ukraine. It's strange being in such a large city, especially one that's so westernized. I feel a little out of place in my been worn all around the world, border line shabby clothes, while the women everywhere around me are dressed in the latest fashion.
     Living conditions have been very nice. We rented a flat for the month and although we don't all have beds there's room for us all to spread out and get comfortable. Last month and for most of Africa we hand washed all our clothes so it's nice this month having a washer. Our clothes actually feel/smell clean.
     One of my favorite things about having an apartment is that we're able to have people over. Our main focus this month has been on the university students and they've come over several evenings for game nights, dinner or just to hang out. Through the people we've met and also through the experiences we've had so far God has made it very evident that this is where we were suppose to be.

     This month we were in a little village in Romania called Villa Tecii. Between the rolling hills and amazing sunsets it's probably one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Walking   down the road and being passed by a horse drawn cart made me feel like I'd gone back in  time and I absolutely loved the all the sheep grazing everywhere.
     Our whole squad was together plus there were a few teams from other squads. Because there were over 75 of us invading this small community of 500 it made finding ministries for all a little more difficult. It was one of those things that if you wanted it you had to be intentional in seeking it out and sometimes it was those things that didn't look like much that were our ministries. One of my first days there I just spent the morning catching grasshoppers with a 10 year old kid (one of my favorite days of ministry this year). Some of the other ministries we did consisted of a few of us helping stack wood for a couple days, painting houses, building a wall, picking apples, we did a lot of home visits where we just got to spend time with people and build relationships.

     After approximately fifty hours of actual travel time we arrived safely in Nsoko, Swaziland a week ago today. Our plans changed a little so that instead of going through Mozambique and taking like five buses we took one bus from Malawi straight to Joburg equaling thirty-five hours on a bus. An experience I hope not to have to go through again.
     Our time in Swazi. is going to be pretty busy. This week in the mornings we're doing home visits to AIDs patients the majority of which are unable to get around anymore so we just sit and keep them company. In the afternoons we've split up into groups and are either playing with the kids, leading a womens group, manual labor or soccer training.
     There are eight locations in the surrounding area that they call care points that the kids can come to to get food. Starting next week in the mornings we will split up and go to the different care points and do VBS kind of stuff with the kids. In the afternoons we'll be doing the same things as this week.